My parents are coming for a cookout on this, the 3rd day of the 3 day weekend. A day for family and remembering those we've lost. Nothing is going as planned. I've been trying to get the house clean and there's still much to do. I have a closet in my studio full of stuff and I want to get it cleaned out. My bedroom, I'm embarrassed to admit looks like my closet threw up - clothes everywhere, on my dresser and my desk that need to be hung up and a clothes basket full of clothes that need to be put in the dresser. Why do I stress about this - because I want to be perfect. I know that I can't be. But, I guess I want to come as close as I can.
I fall short in every area of my life: as a mom, as an employee, as a daughter, a friend and as a person. I want to be the best person I can be. I can't be perfect, so why does anything less than that seem like failure.
And, I like most, try to think of a quick fix cure for whatever isn't perfect. There is no quick fix cure. I've made a schedule for our family to keep the house clean and if we follow it, the house will be clean. Still, there will always be things that aren't on that schedule - it still won't be perfect. I will always fall short, no matter how hard I strive - so why does it upset me so much. Do I really think that other people have it all together and I'm the only one like this? No, I do know that everyone has problems. So, why do I still, even after recognizing all of this feel like I'm less than I should be.
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2 comments:
Hi Frenchy. I found your web site in an indirect way from a card I viewed on Splitcoast and couldn't help but read your post. I rarely comment on such things, but I wanted to comment on yours because I totally relate to everything you are saying. No you are not alone in this and neither am I, but somehow that doesn't seem to make it any easier or different for us, does it?
Somehow, somewhere along the way we have been taught or we have taught ourselves that the only way to be acceptable is to be perfect at everything we do, or don't even try it at all because we would never want to be "failures". This is sad for us! We need change the way we think and start telling ourselves more positive things. Even those thing that appear to be "failures" really aren't, because something good comes from them - we learn a good lesson if nothing else :-) And we are not failures ourselves, just because some of the things we do don't work out as well as we would like.
Have a good day and try to enjoy whatever you have been given this day. Thanks for sharing and I hope you manage to find a happy medium so that you can appreciate yourself and all that you do well (you must be able to make list!) and don't spend too much time focussing on the things you do less well -- it is our weaknesses as much as our strengths that make us who we are as God's creatures.
Frenchy, I eally know where you are coming from. I still feel like that quite a bit, but I have learned to accept that I never will be perfect and if someone can't accept me for who I am , then how much can they really mean to me in the big picture?
In accepting this I feel better and it kicks backl on everything else, I get a better relationship with my kids and other family, closer to my mom and dad and feel like I don't need to stress about such little things all the time. It isn't easy to get by the feeling of failure for not being what you envision you "should" be, but you do feel better.
Hope your day gets better and worry about enjoying your family today! Take care!
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