My parents are coming for a cookout on this, the 3rd day of the 3 day weekend. A day for family and remembering those we've lost. Nothing is going as planned. I've been trying to get the house clean and there's still much to do. I have a closet in my studio full of stuff and I want to get it cleaned out. My bedroom, I'm embarrassed to admit looks like my closet threw up - clothes everywhere, on my dresser and my desk that need to be hung up and a clothes basket full of clothes that need to be put in the dresser. Why do I stress about this - because I want to be perfect. I know that I can't be. But, I guess I want to come as close as I can.
I fall short in every area of my life: as a mom, as an employee, as a daughter, a friend and as a person. I want to be the best person I can be. I can't be perfect, so why does anything less than that seem like failure.
And, I like most, try to think of a quick fix cure for whatever isn't perfect. There is no quick fix cure. I've made a schedule for our family to keep the house clean and if we follow it, the house will be clean. Still, there will always be things that aren't on that schedule - it still won't be perfect. I will always fall short, no matter how hard I strive - so why does it upset me so much. Do I really think that other people have it all together and I'm the only one like this? No, I do know that everyone has problems. So, why do I still, even after recognizing all of this feel like I'm less than I should be.